How Long Should a Wedding Speech Be?

This might be the most important question you ask yourself before you give a wedding speech. Not "what should I say?" Not "should I try to be funny?" Not even "how many drinks should I have first?" (The answer to that last one is one. Maximum.)

No, the most important question is: how long should this thing be?

And the answer is simpler than you think.

Why Five Minutes Is the Magic Number

When my co-author Carol Leifer and I wrote How to Write a Funny Speech, this was the very first piece of advice we gave. Before structure, before jokes, before anything else: keep it under five.

Here's the reality. Nobody — and I mean nobody — has ever walked away from a wedding saying, "I wish that speech had been longer." You know what they do say? "That speech was way too long!"

A short, tight, well-crafted speech always beats a long, rambling one. Always. The Gettysburg Address was 272 words and lasted about two minutes. There's a reason Lincoln's on the penny.

But I Have So Many Stories!

I hear this all the time. "Rick, I've known the groom since kindergarten. I have thirty years of material!" Great. Pick the best two stories and cut the rest. Your audience will thank you.

Think of it this way: a five-minute speech that leaves the crowd wanting more is infinitely better than a twelve-minute speech that has people checking their phones under the table. You want the crowd saying "that was amazing" — not "is this person ever going to stop?"

The discipline of keeping it short actually makes your speech better. It forces you to choose only your strongest material. Every word earns its place. There's no filler, no rambling, no "oh, and one more thing" that drags on for another four minutes.

How Long Is Five Minutes, Really?

Most people have no idea how long their speech actually is until they stand up and deliver it. Here's a rough guide:

The average person speaks at about 130-150 words per minute. So a five-minute speech is roughly 650-750 words. That's about a page and a half of typed, double-spaced text. It's not a lot — and that's the point.

The best way to know for sure? Read it out loud and time yourself. Don't rush through it. Speak at a natural pace. Leave pauses where you expect laughs. If you're over five minutes, cut. If you're at three minutes and it feels complete, even better.

What About Small, Intimate Weddings?

Fair question. If it's a small gathering — say, under 50 people — you can loosen the reins a little. An intimate crowd is more forgiving of a slightly longer speech because the energy in the room is different. It feels more like a family dinner than a performance.

But even then, don't push it past seven minutes. The five-minute rule isn't arbitrary. It's based on how long people can comfortably pay attention to one person talking. After five minutes, even the most engaged audience starts to drift.

Signs Your Speech Is Too Long

The Real Secret: Structure Over Length

Here's what I've learned after years of writing professionally: the length of a speech matters way less than its structure. A well-structured three-minute speech will always outperform a rambling seven-minute one.

The winning formula is simple. Open with who you are and your connection to the honoree. Tell one or two personal stories that reveal something real about them. Then close with a sincere, heartfelt moment and raise your glass. That's it. That's the whole blueprint.

If you can do that in three minutes, you'll be a hero. If it takes you five, you're still golden. Anything beyond that, and you're borrowing time you haven't earned.

One More Thing About Timing

Remember that your speech isn't happening in a vacuum. There are usually multiple speakers at a wedding. If the best man, the maid of honor, and both parents each give a seven-minute speech, that's nearly half an hour of speeches. The guests came to celebrate, eat, drink, and dance — not sit through a TED Talk marathon.

Keeping your speech tight isn't just good for you. It's a gift to every other speaker and every guest in the room.